dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Randomize
