I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My penis needs a shock collar
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
