there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
