escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
