You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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