then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
