watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
