Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
