its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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