the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
