from now on my penis is your penis
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
