well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
No I am not eating basil off your cock
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
