Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
