Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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