Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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