i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
