Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Randomize
