Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
