I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
