I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
