South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
