you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
