I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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