So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
