You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
