I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize