I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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