so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
