Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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