I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
