So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
