ya dads aren't the best wingmen
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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