There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
There are leaves in my underwear?
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