I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We had sex on a dog bed..
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
