anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
