Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
