he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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