shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
