$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
