Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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