Well douche your snatch and let's go!
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
