YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
