i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Randomize
