Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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