Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So much rum. So many feels.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
