i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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