I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
