i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
