I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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