I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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