She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
