sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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