so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
