wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
