You can't special order awesome
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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