i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
