So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
