My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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