well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
