Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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