i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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