the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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