I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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