She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
