Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
