Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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