How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
