Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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