this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
