I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
pop tarts are not kleenex
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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