You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
