I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
