i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She tied me up with her honor cords...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
They left me at home... I'm a liability
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
