A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
