I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
