I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
