saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
