if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
