I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
