my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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