he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
