we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
