where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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