I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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