you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
