the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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