i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
