and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
