Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize