porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My vagina is officially offended.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
