So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
