I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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