Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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