I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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