she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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