every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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