3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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