Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize