I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
