She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
