Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
