sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Randomize