I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
