Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
