She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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