The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just pynch a tree in the face
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
