Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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