Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
