In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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