so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
