I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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