I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize