I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
